Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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