dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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