So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
