i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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