Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
