Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
