Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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