he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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