Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
