Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
