i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
