ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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