When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
