I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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