did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
