I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
