I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
