I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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