Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
