take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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