awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
