I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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