Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
