Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
