First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
