I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
