I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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