I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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