remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
