Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
