Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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