Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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