You smell like stripper and shame
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
