The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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