Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
