I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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