Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
