I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
