So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
