Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
