Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
