Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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