don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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