so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
