You can't special order awesome
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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