he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
