I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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