walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
