I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
