do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
