i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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