If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
