she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
areolas are like halos for boobs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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