Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
