HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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