I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
