This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
