wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
