Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
