Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
