I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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